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YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE A DESPERATE SINGLE!

Because it’s tough being a young woman in a society that downgrades singleness. Because there is no shame in being single, nor for wanting it to change. Because your worth doesn’t depend on what some guy might think or say to you. You are so much more! Because every season of your life is precious and we sometimes lose our joy in hoping for something better to turn up, forgetting to live the present moment to its fullest. Because you have so much worth, and the situation you’re going through has some too. Because you’re simply unique and wonderfully precious. Because the Lord has a plan for your life that is as unique and precious as you. This is for you.

I) THE LITTLE GIRL’S DREAM

I have a very clear memory of the first wedding I attended to. I was probably 9 or 10 years old. I’ll never forget how amazed I was by the beauty of the bride: brightest smile ever, a silky veil glowing down her hair, the lace of her dress making it flow like a princess’s gown. I remember thinking: “One day, I’ll get married, and I’ll be as beautiful and radiant as her”. That day one of my biggest girl’s dreams was born. Like Sleeping Beauty, it went for a long sleep, and that was a good thing.

Later, as an older teenager, all my friends had their first boyfriend, first love story, first kiss, first, first, first… Sometimes, I felt some big loneliness moments, when I compared myself to others, or when my friends did: “What! You never had a boyfriend! What is wrong with you?” My point actually is: the wrongest thing that can happen to you in that matter, (and oh I know how painful that can be) is to let comparison make you doubt of who you are, and allow it to lower your self-esteem, destroy your self-confidence. When, because of others, a “there-must-be-something-wrong-with-me” thought pops up, you should seriously consider pressing on the “wait-a-minute- button”!

I’m seriously not an expert when it comes to relational or marital knowledge, but I can sincerely state the sayings of several married women I know, or quote different books on the topic. All together agree on the fact that you immediately need to get rid of the cliché presenting love relationships and then marriage as THE ultimate solution to ALL your problems. It won’t magically erase your struggles or your battles. It might even make them tougher to deal with, because all of the sudden, you will care about someone else than just yourself. The real questions we should ask ourselves are the following: Why do I have this desire that can’t wait to meet somebody?

What secret and implicit expectations do you have for your future somebody? Is it possible that you expect of a relationship to actually fill an inner void? This need to feel loved no matter what? To feel accepted, once and for all? Or, are all the others getting engaged or married, and you feel like you’re the only idiot that is left single? Do you see a relationship as the unique means to find that long-sought happiness? Or do you wait for some guy to give you the self-confidence you don’t have ? Do you need to hear from someone how beautiful, unique and precious you are?

Can you relate? If yes, that’s completely okay. Let me tell you honestly that I’m struggling with the same issues than you. We’re at least two ladies in that pretty mess. Reassuring, right? Know, that there’s nothing wrong in needing words of affirmation. We all need foundations in our lives. BUT. The WHOLE POINT is about WHO you’ll give the permission to say those things to you. It’s crucial because it will influence the following course of events in your life. There’s nothing wrong about wanting to meet your special person. We all have desires, and this is a legitimate one. So it’s OK. BUT. WHAT you do with your desires, and to WHOM you’ll open the door, that’s what it’s all about.

God created us all as free beings, so really, it’s up to you to accept or ignore what I’m about to say. It’s absolutely vital, for us, single young women to understand that the ONLY person that can change our DESPERATE SINGLENESS into a JOYFUL ONE, IS GOD HIMSELF, our wonderful Creator. The only one able to make us understand how unique and wonderful we are, is God. All you need to hear, He can say to you. The point is: will you let Him do that?

II) THE GREATER DREAM

I have a far bigger dream, than my little girl’s one. The bigger dream, deep inside of me and probably inside of you too, is to please God, before to please to men! To become this woman according to God. And this begins by listening and knowing what He thinks of me, of you! So. Let’s get started!

1) You are unconditionally loved! The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love;
I have drawn you with unfailing kindness. »
Jeremiah 31. 3

2) You are precious ! « Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
    and because I love you… »
Isaiah 43.4

« For this is what the Lord Almighty says… For whoever touches you touches the apple of his eye. » Zechariah 2.8

3) You are beautiful ! « I thank you, High God – you’re breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration – what a creation! » Psalm 139.14 (The Message)

Come on, what a creation ! Just to emphazise that point, let me add a few picks of different Bible versions :

« I am fearfully and wonderfully made. » (New International Version)

« I was marvelously set apart » (Common English Bible)

« You made me in an amazing and wonderful way » (New Century Version)

« I have been remarkly… made. » (Christian Standard Version)

« I am awesomely made. » (Complete Jewish Bible)

4) You have a future ! « See, I am doing a new thing!
  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland. 
» Isaiah 43.19 (NIV)

« Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straigh. 
» Proverbs 3 5-6 (NIV)

5) You are not alone !
« Jesus said : . And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. » Matthew 28.20

« My God on whom I can rely. God will go before me… » Psalm 59.10

« You go before me and follow me.
    You place your hand of blessing on my head. »
Psalm 139.5

6) You are able ! « I can do all things through [a]Christ who strengthens me. » Philippians 4.13 (NKJV)

III) GIRL, MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR JOYFUL SINGLENESS!

Let’s be honest for a moment, shall we? I’m the first idiot to come to God and mumble around, hoping to obtain secret details about my future special person. So, first of all, please, don’t do that. It’s stupid, a waste of time and completely fruitless. So, don’t bother. Actually, we should face the facts. When the right moment will come, the right person will bump into you. So. If the right person didn’t bump into you yet, that simply means it’s not the right timing yet. Ouch. That hurts.

Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, by the gazelles and wild deer, not to awaken love until the time is right.” Song of Solomon 2.7 (New Living Translation) Rather than showing impatience, we should be clothed in faith and patience. “In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength.” Isaiah 30.15 (AKJV)
For we know, as an unshakable assurance, that “God makes everything happen at the right time. » Ecclesiastes 3.11 (Contemporary English Version) / « He has made everything beautiful in its time.. » (New International Version) This means that “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” (v.1), including “a time to love” (v.8).

So, friend, rather than shout out of impatience, let us shout to the Lord (« all the Earth let us sing, power and majesty, praise to the King ») and pour out our praise ! Let’s thank the Lord for this unique season he’s giving us. A season to learn, to grow, to get rooted deeper in our faith, to get to know Him better and better. God has already prepared a path for us, He shows us the way. Nevertheless, there are things you and I need to learn. It will probably be challenging and tough at times. But let us take heart, for we know it will be sooo much worth it ! And let us remember how important it is to be more and more the godly woman God wants us to be, as the one described in Proverbs 31  (here v 10) : « Who can find a worthy woman? For her price is far above rubies. » (New Heart English Version).

Let’s have a look at what « a worthy woman » according to the Bible, and thus pleasing to God, looks like :
« She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. » (v.25, NIV) « She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. » (v.26 NIV) « She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. » (v.17,ESV) « She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. » (v.20, NIV)
« She has no fear of winter for her household, for everyone has warm clothes. » (v.21, NLT)

The first time I read that, it made me feel utterly incomplete and soo far from the goal, which is actually the case. Ouch. Some tricky business ahead, if you try it with your own strength. Sorry to already inform you, but all your attempts to manage alone will fail. I’ve been there so many times! We’re not called to casually manage « me, myself and I ». We’re called to partner with God, to enter into a Father/Daughter relationship, a purpose-giving, life-changing one. As this one grows, our part to play is to allow Him to transform us from the inside out. Only He can do it. This is why He alone is worthy of all the glory and the praise. What matters most importantly to God is not how beautiful, how successful, how kind or gifted we are. It’s the (v.30, NIV) : « woman who fears the LORD (that) is to be praised. » , a person that comes with a pure and open heart, devoted to listen and follow Him.


My prayer is that we stay focused on what God sees as a true woman’s beauty, as described in 1 Peter 3 v.3-4 : « Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. »

First and foremost, let us keep God in the center of our hearts, minds and concerns. The point of our whole lives is to put Him first and to honor Him with our words, thoughts and actions. Let’s make of the pursuit of His will, the deepening of our knowledge of God and our relationship with Him our utmost priority. Believe that the season you’re in, is unique and precious. And it’s a necessary one ! ! So, make the most of it ! It’s a time that God can use purposefully to prepare you for your calling, or a future relationship but that last bit shouldn’t become your goal. You should aim at becoming more and more the woman God has created you to be, and focus on what you can do to honor and obey Him.

Please. Make (or re-make) the CHOICE TODAY to listen to the Lord and let Him tell you WHO you are and WHAT your worth is, rather than some good-looking guy that will tell you nice things. It’s hard, it’s tough ! I’ve been through this too. But never forget, you are NOT ALONE in this. You have the God of the whole universe, the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, and the best friend that could possibly be, ON YOUR SIDE !

Take heart girl, and stay blessed !

Christina

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